Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
