I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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