What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
