i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
