I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
