Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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