Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
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My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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