i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
