wakey wakey hands off snakey
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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