my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
