No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
