I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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