I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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