youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
