I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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