I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
