Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
