i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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