Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
