She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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