just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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