Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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