I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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