oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
