You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
