I just gift wrapped bread.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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