Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
