i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
sarcasm needs its own font
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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