he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
