Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
