I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
