Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
