Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Boobs speak an international language.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
