i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
