in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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