Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
