I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
