So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
