I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Vodka?
Forever.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
