Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
