it wasn't lemon gatorade
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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