just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
