the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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