Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
