Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
