Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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