i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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