she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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