there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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