i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
