last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
