: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
