before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
