Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
