She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
