Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Do you still have your period?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
