don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
