I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
