dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Im part way to drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
