well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
