Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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