She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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