If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
