I accidentally burped into my bong.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
