Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
