I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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