matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
