The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
