i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
