my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
