Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I deserve this hangover.
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