cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
