he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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