did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
