Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
be right there i have to get my cape
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
