accomplished twins. life is a go
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
