I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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