Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
